I have a tremendous problem with motivation. Well that's not entirely true. I can jump out of bed enthusiastically when it comes to having a photoday, friend day, boy day, whatever greets me. I am just not into school this semester. I have no self motivation because the goal is unforeseeable or uncertain. I also love distractions. I need to work harder! This semester is almost done! go megan go!!!!

well i am trying to break a habit I seem to be making which is to only update this thing when disaster strikes. My life actually is a pretty happy fortunate wonderful one and I feel i dont accurately express that. Things have been going usually well for me lately which is wonderful. My anti-depressant is working and therapy is ironing out the wrinkles. I've been reaching out more and trying to make new friends or getting reacquainted with old ones. My good friend Liz came down for the weekend and we stayed up until 5 am watching "Strong Enough to Break", a Hanson documentary depicting their four year difficulties in getting their third album release. I recommend this documentary (obviously) but I think it would be enjoyable to watch for non hanson fans because of how well it's made, and provides a glimpse into the shitty side of the music industry. YEAh YEAH i know some of you are saying that "hanson IS the shitty side of the music industry" I just want you to know I didn't walk into that one blind :) Liz and I shopped for used DVDs that were on sell because a local block buster was going out of business. I bought forest gump, the simpsons tree house of horror, detroit rock city, ernest goest to camp, JFK (back and to the left mfers), and cabin fever staring the panty mister himself, ryder strong. mmm.

ITS MOTHA FUCKIN HALLOWEEEK!!!!! GRAHH~!~!!!

My flickr has been slow lately which is kind of funny because I am actually taking more photos than I have in my life. For instance, I take well over 300 film pictures a week. develop them. print contact sheets, make stupid test strips and print them. I love this class so very much and it shows me how much printing is the other half to photography. I consider my work to be well composed. I have a lot of shots I am proud of however its just half way. Manually printing your pictures is extremely hard work. essentially you have to fuck up a million times to find the best exposure, contrast, saturation to get the 'perfect print'. I spend well over six hours on one print in a windowless room filled with chemicals that smell like genitals (kinda) . I know a lot of this has to do with my inexperience but many times I've leave the dark room desperately wanting a drink. I just want to be the best photographer i can be and taking this class has really filled in a lot of gaps I've been having. Ah the spaces in between.

Here are two halloweenie photos!

I like the way skype sounds when I first open the program.

I like the color yellow, as long as it is like a faded banana. Faded, not browned.

I am certain that 95% of all people I know think I am certifiable. That's fine with me, its reciprocated.

I am trying not to be so completely negative about everything, (+++++).

I ride my bike to class and I've stopped shopping at wal-mart. I might get into some sector of heaven, this excites me.

There are many things I can't explain.

I have been getting better, trying harder and moving faster.

I wish more people would get on my ship so I wouldn't have to steer it all the time.

so my friend liz and I are rabid Hanson fans. We are both 24 years old. she works at the hospital and it was looking pretty uncertain that she wouldnt get off work. but since it was hanson related it worked out.
Convo:

Liz: im so excited!
i got to work and found out one of my coworkers put in his 2 weeks and the other is switching to days so i was afraid she wouldnt let me have it but she did! i jumped when she told me yes!

me: yay!! for hanson?? omg omg

Liz: YESSSS! my shift lead told me i was retarded, i was like I DONT CARE! HANSON!!!!!!

me: i was like "how in the fuck are we going to miss this" i bought your ticket cos i was fucking serious.

Liz: i know they were like she probably wont give it to you and i was like then i'll fucking call in. 'she might fire you'. i was seriously contemplating being fired for hanson


HELLS YES.

it is you that i want

you.

and i am still a doughnut, missing a whole

( waiting to be filled with your jelly)

raspberry preferred.

( my last few weeks of self-portraits )

the last three weeks are something to recover from. an accurate timeline is hard but my brother came out and we went and saw better than ezra (?) which was surprisingly okay. Going out with my brother made me see athens in a different light because it was actually a blast! I remember driiiiiinking with him and then going to anther bar after the concert. we went to diner called the grill, after we were seated he wanted to go out more so we left and walked and went into this bar that had a dj spinning. we daaaaanced for hours and the best part was this super cute peach noticed that my brother shoes were untied and after she pointed this fact out she got on her hands a knees and tied it right on the dance floor. I love that story.

Moving was fucking stressful. Poe, my kitty, figured out that shit was getting real so she hid underneath this huge crawl space in the kitchen sink immediately. After 7 hours of hiding, she wouldnt come out (sushi was druged and hugged up). We got everything packed up, the truck loaded and the house cleaned and still no poe. so we pulled out hte dish washer, created a huge hole in the wall and took a hose and sprayed her out. :) Rental. I got my deposit back just in case you are wondering.

We drove to Oklahoma in one day which was one of my favorite days. My brother drove the entire distance on account i couldnt sleep the night before (at all) despite having strenuous labored and being physically exhausted. We stopped in Tupelo, Mississippi, the birth place of Elvis, and made Elvis blowjob jokes. "Tupelo Beej", love it.

A few fried chickens later we made it. D-fest was amazing. I had a great time! I loved seeing all my friends and I promptly molested everyone of them. Swuusi was alright this year. i wasnt feeling it. I was waaaay too tired from the move and partied for about a week before i got there because Ian took the bar exam. I guess I am getting older, i cant party for two weeks straight without getting burnt out. I left a day early from swuusi because i was so tired, and sick of not having adrienne there and boy unspeakable awkwardnesss was looming, so i bailed even though it was pontoon day & celeste's b-day. oh well. I got kind of mad at the community because no one was respecting my worships but whatever. i dont even know why we have fucking powershuffles still blah blah unitarians blahhh.

I had a lake party which turned out amazing. 19 people came out and we were maxed out. I love and hate hosting parties because i can only marginally enjoy them. Jumping in the lake completed me. Julia helped out so much with the party i must give her an e-shout out! Love you!

And now I am down in norman, i painted my room butter yellow yesterday and it looks really really good. I need an area rug and a box spring mattress but besides that my house is coming together.

oh yeah and i turned 24 on tuesday.

My brother flew in on Friday to help me move from Georgia. It's been sort of nice having him here, i say sort of because for some reason Ive been getting anxiety about leaving and his over cheerfulness is clashing with my mood for some reason. I guess I dont really feel confident about coming home but it is what it is. I love Georgia and I have finally got use to being here. I think what I am nervous about is all the stress that is going to be coming my way with moving and adjusting to OU. These last 7 months have been uniquely difficult and the idea of doing round two makes me unhappy. Also I am going back to the origin of my insanity so I am hoping not to have residual affects.

What is wrong with men? what is wrong with women and especially what is wrong with me? I dont know, its not that ive been overly burned in the male department. I wish I was asexual sometimes.

Ive been throwing away a bunch of shit and my god does it feel great. I got rid of my leather couches because they were frankly, ugly. I am also getting rid a bunch of clothes and boxes of shit i havent gone through since Ive been in athens. hmm.

I am excited about D-fest, going to the lake, going to swuusi, and seeing all my oklahomies.

I guess I dont really have much more to write, i just wanted to bitch about my brother. Thank you livejournal.

I have been listening to the flaming lips a lot lately and I am surprised it took me until 23 to find them, though they've been virtually down my street for years. i mean ive heard of them, and even listened to yoshimi several times but i never got into them. I will always associate them with adrienne, because we'd always drive in her accord with the song 'in the morning of the magicians' on repeat when we were 16. I think that will be the image of highschool stuck in my head, driving aimlessly, sober, with the stereo on and your best friend driving. I listened to the soft bulletin 5.o a bunch over the 4th and found myself crying from how fucking gorgeous it is. You've heard that saying, the clash is the only band that matter, agreed, but the flaming lips definitely is the only band worth listening to right now. okay maybe not, ive shifted my taste so much that honestly i dont know what I am going to like next. They just have such an insight and I love their space/zoo themed albums. *sigh* its so weird adrienne lives a few blocks from wayne. We've walked down to his house (not many times because its such a sketch area) and now that I appreciate them fully I am excited to walk there again. I am going to be moving to the okc area which is pretty okay.. okc is alright but honestly it doesnt matter where you are, its what you do with yourself. the funnest times ive had was in Missouri, which is a fucking testament lemme tell you.

ive been seeing jason again off and on, he's a hard habit to break. Actually the last month or so has been really awesome with him. He's being consistent and wonderful, i think he is coming up on Wednesday to say good-bye. I really dont want to say goodbye to him because I do like him a lot, but I am happy for the experience and I am learning not to hold on for dear life when I am with people that make me feel great.

Alot of my friends are mothers now which makes me really happy for some reason. I talked to Alex today and I almost cried because I was so proud of her and Jon for having their baby and making it work. I am turning 24 next year which is a bench mark in my mind, I am not in the young young adult group anymore and now I can relate more to 30 yr olds more than 18ers, fuck even 20ers. I think every year is a gift because you learn so much inadvertently. Its those mfers that are the same year in and year out that confuse me.

anyway I think i might upload all my flaming lips stuff and share it with you all. i dunno, i think this is the only band and cool thing I am actually pretty behind on. I cant wait to go back oklahoma, its nice to know that I am going to probably live there the rest of my life. There is nothing like it and I had to move across the country to accept its limitations.